The Waiting Game

Still not here...
I love that so many people are excited to meet our little guy but I'm also a little annoyed. The preggo hormones are raging over here /if you can't tell/, and I'm anxious to get the show on the road. I have a million /well, maybe not that many/ text messages a day asking me if he is here yet. I understand that people have only the best intentions but all I want to do is yell at the phone, and it didn't do anything, poor thing. Here is what's happening now.

I'm tired all the time but can't sleep more then two hours at a time. Tossing and turning, getting up to tinkle like five hundred times a night, then about 6am I'm starving and getting up to get breakfast. By 8am I'm tired again and sleepy - clime back into bed (while hubby has no problems sleeping through it all) and snoozing for a little bit. Brunch, maybe a shower later and some blogging, so by 1pm I want to take a nap again. So I snooze in the chair in the nursery. Feeling a little better by now, and want to get out of the house. Taking a walk or going to the mall just to get out and do something. 

This waiting period is exhausting, so I while I try to keep myself occupied with baking some pastries and online shopping for the house, have yourself a great weekend.


P.S. The Pink Peonies Blog brought to you another giveaway from Florence Adams. A $50 worth of stuff from the shop, so check it out.

Bump Evolution

The 9 months journey

You gonna get pregnant... 

well too late now...

What just happened? Run to the drug store and get a dozen of pregnancy tests.
Pee on all of them. Try to breathe.  Yep, preggers.

Have first sono - it's becoming real. 

Little poochie is starting to show up. 

Loving cute little belly. Still wearing normal clothes and heels.

Baby kicking and moving a lot, little maniac.

Starting to think about names and fully transitioned into maternity clothes

So you had an easy pregnancy so far? Yeah, now where the party begins.

Come out, NOW, baby boy!
"but why mom?" - because I said so...

It's kind of obvious what I'm trying to say here. Starting in May, freaking out when we found out and getting excited about the news, then gaining way too much weight while picking up all of the third trimester side effects, we have arrived. 

Today is my due date. 

The name is Jonathan Fedor (finally decided)

Everything from now on is going to be 'overdue' but technically you can go two weeks late and still have a normal delivery with a healthy child. Although at this point, waiting even another day seems like forever. I do not want to take any chance and probably only going a week past my due date.

I say he will be here on the 7th, 8lbs 4oz and 21in long.
What's your guess?
Let's vote.
If you guess it right (or very close), I will mention you in a post with a link to your blog.

Ready or Not, Here He Comes

dress:Target, cardigan: Loft, shoes: Aldo

I saw his face. It was kind of surreal and weird at the same time. We had (hopefully) last sono and appointment yesterday. The technician was able to get a  snapshot of his face. It's kind of a freaky adorable picture. Almost alien-like but at the same time, so cute, with some major cheeks.
Seeing a real person who has a face was little shocking. Yes, I know I'm 40 weeks pregnant and this was coming for a while now but it's different. Thinking of the baby as something in the distance or seeing him in person (well almost) was amazing. As much as I'm uncomfortable, heavy and just plain tired of being pregnant, I don't know if I'm ready for all of it.
First it's the painful contractions, the fear of medicated birth or need of c-section, the unknown and the embarrassing and the thought that something can go wrong with our baby.
Then the sore nipples, the swollen breasts, the unbearable pain of breastfeeding, the sleepless nights, the colicky tummy, the leaking (all over), the crying that you can't stop, the postpartum depression and whole bunch of other things I still don't know about.
It's frightening.
I am ready for this pregnancy to be over but the amazing and the awful that comes after?
I don't know.
I've read the books, I've listened to all the (wanted and unwanted) advice and I've watched many YouTube videos. Yet it doesn't not prepare you for the life that's ahead.
Until you've gone through it all yourself, until your name is sealed on the 'Done It All Mothers' hall of fame, you just don't know.
Ready or not, he is coming soon.

Baby Boy Nursery

Ever since I found out that I'm pregnant, I've been working on ideas for the nursery. Sometimes, I would lay sleepless during the night and think what I would like to do. I've been gathering materials ever since we got married - those sheep that I bought almost 5 years ago, Russian cartoon characters my mom brought from motherland and books that I read when I was a little girl. 

My first thought was to make it navy blue and green. I wanted an accent wall and was looking for wall paper. So when I found this striped teal number, I absolutely loved it and changed my mind about the colors. 

Teal walls and bedding with brown furniture seemed a little boring. So I added a pop of color with subtle orange accents. 

I LOVE the end product and very often go sit in my favorite chair (it reclines, rocks and swivels! I received it as a Christmas present from hubby) while reading. 

He really is so amazing, kind and the best kind of good. 

Did I mention it's the warmest room in the house? Yep, nice and cozy!

Crib: Pottery Barn Kendal Fixed Gate Crib
Dresser: Ikea MALM 4 Drawer Chest
Bedding: Pottery Barn Harper Bedding
Standing Lamp: Walmart DIY (Spray painted colored that I wanted)
Mommy's Chair: Natuzzi Liri Leather Recliner
Clock: Target (sold out)
Table Lamp: Target
Bassinet: Gift (Target)
Changing Table: passed down from my sister
Mobile: DIY
"I Love You" Prints: La Posh Design (custom made)
Frames: Hobby Lobby
Rocking Horse: Vintage (handmade present from our neighbor)

No Rush

This black maxi is the only thing that fits my big belly at this point.
Miss my regular clohes

It's been all about birth, baby and other pregnancy related things here but that's my life. And since this blog is about my life - there is no way of getting around it all.
After reading this post by an awesome fellow blogger, I have been thinking.
I've decided to consciously enjoy every single moment of every day until our baby boy arrives.

 People keep asking me how long I have left and that unintentionally reminds me that it's
getting VERY close but he's still not here.

 It seems like we rush through a lot of things in life but this time is not going to ever come back. 

I'm not going to be just wife, sister, daughter and friend. I'm going to be a mother. 

You can't rush through motherhood.
You can't rush through life. 
God is giving me this time to reflect and learn to trust Him to give us our boy at a perfect time.

So while I wait... 

Spending lots of quality time with hubby, sleeping in when possible, shopping, watching movies and  just enjoying time together. Ohhhh yes, still debating on the name.
Spending time with friends and family, hanging out with my mom and sister.
Reading a few baby books and one just for pure pleasure of reading.
Trying different recipes - cooking and baking deliciousness.
So take your time baby boy (reasonable amount), get strong and big (not too big) to face this currently-below-zero-temperatures world.

Ready. Set. Go.

Since I don't know how big he's going to be, I packed a newborn and 0-3m outfit.
What am I missing?

I've asked several people and the opinion is split on whether or not take clothes to the hospital.
What else am I missing?

At this point the nursery is completely finished - it looks so darn cute. My hospital bag and his diaper bag are packed. All that's left is to wait and see. 

Honestly, I think every mother is worried about the birth process and for me, being the control freak that I am,  it's hard to let go. I have absolutely no control over the entire thing as it's very unpredictable. 

But I have decided not to let the worry get to me - I can't fix, help or speed up the process by worrying. So I'm going to try to enjoy these last couple of weeks as a preggo woman. I'm going to soak in the freedom that I still have (trip to B&N anyone?) and the inability to tie my own shoes. 

As much as I can, I ask for advice from experienced mothers, read other people's blogs and opinions on everything from Pitocin to a birthing ball. But until I go through it, I don't know how it is, although it's good to be ready. For everything. 

Can You Say Big Belly?

cardigan: Loft, skirt: NY&Co, shoes: Anna Taylor, shirt: Target, 

So yes, here I am.

My big pregnant belly and I. 

I think this may be the last picture I'm willing to put on Internet for everyone to see.

Honestly I didn't know I was this huge until saw these pictures. I mean, that baby is taking his chubs very seriously. I have all the regular symptoms of 9 months preggo lady - heartburn, lower back pain,  hunger at all times of day and night, restless leg syndrome when I want to sleep, swollen ankles, going to the bathroom a million times a day in turn making myself familiar with the location of all the public restrooms in our town. But this belly is getting kind of uncomfortable. I can't tie my shoes, it's hard to sit straight up and don't even get me started on trying get a full night's sleep. 

Can't wait for him to arrive.
The doctor says that everything is normal and going very well. What does he know? He never carried one of these. The baby's head is down and there is no way to tell how big how is - I mean shouldn't they have invented some machine for that too? 

I had couple contractions (it hurts. like a lot) which only made me think that I hope I won't chicken out and try to go the natural way. 

So while I get bigger and try to eat the fridge itself (midnight snacks are the best),

 hope you are having a great day.

It's Not The Number

Just showing off my cute pregnant belly...
Love you baby boy...

There are lots of things on mind and none of them involve taking a picture of my outfit.. 

It's more of a reflection on myself...

One thing is for sure - I have some body image issues. I mean, who doesn't? But when you think that 'number' on the scale is the definition of slim, pretty and cute, you are ohhh so wrong.

 It's soooo not the number.

 I thought that once I'm married, I wouldn't have those issues. After all, I'd have a man who adores me and loves my body just the way it is. Nope. Wrong. Not skinny/slim/fit/ enough.

Then, once I'm pregnant, for sure, I will let my body do its thing. After all, I'm carrying another life inside me and he needs some extra calories. So a few pounds of extra weight for the great cause won't make me cringe when looking at the scale. Nope. Wrong again. Gaining too much weight. 

The problem is not the number on the scale but how we see ourselves. 

A healthy body image is not just a word for me, it's something unattainable. I felt that if I was ever satisfied with my body, you will let myself go and become a fat pig. But that's (probably) not true. 

Looking at yourself and realizing that you are not Gisele Bundchen is one thing, but another to constantly see faults that make you feel like you hate this body. 

Not a good attitude towards yourself. It makes you an unsatisfied person. And that transfers into everything - from your butt to the men bagging your groceries at the store.

An unhappy way to live that starts with not liking the size of your butt only because you can't fit into size 2. 

Last thought.

God gave us the bodies that we posses. Wow! This puts the entire blah-blah-blah psychological nonsense into a whole another perspective. So if I don't like how God naturally created me, with all my flaws and faults, I'm saying I don't like what He has done. But God knows best. All of his creation is very good. 

Therefore, I'm wonderfully made (Psalm Bible reference). 

Thank you Lord for making me just the way I am.

And thank you for this wonderful little life growing inside me. 

Mr. Chipmunk Called. He Wants His Cheeks Back

sweater: J.Crew blazer: thrifted, jeans: Motherhood Maternity, booties: Old Navy

At some point, the denial has to stop. And that point is when you look at my cheeks and think I have something in my mouth - well I don't. That means I have gotten to the point of significant weight gain and there is no way to stop it. Maybe just accept it.

I have seven more weeks to go and this maybe the time to stop taking pictures of myself to commemorate on this. But this is why I started the blog in the first place - to show real women being real.

Part of that reality is getting fat chubby cheeks and dealing with it. My hubby calls me 'his little Pooh" and I don't know if I should find it endearing or be insulted. 

In any case, those cheeks are staying for now. Get used to them.

Have a great day and thanks for reading!

Different Perspective

top: Forever21, cardigan: Gap, skirt; Motherhood Maternity, shoes: Payless

It's getting cold outside. 

I've got a case of sore throat and a broken heart.

I feel like last weekend, I've taken this tragedy very differently. 

When you don't have children, yes, it's tragic; yes, it's sad. But when you are a mother

 (or about to become one) it just simply physically hurts. 

Knowing that one of those days your little one is going to go to a similar school, sit in similar classroom and as you agonize over the fact that something like this can happen again. 

You stop believing in the world with good people. 

You just want to crawl into a giant hole and have enough canned goods to last you a life time. 

But that's not the reality. That's not the world we live in.

So let's take responsibility for our children. Teach them, love them and send them off to the world with bad people. World where they can be the good people. 

Becoming a mother does change you forever. 

It gives you a different perspective on life, on what's important. 

Life is a precious gift. Family is most important. Love is boundless. And God is still good to all of us.

Exceptions

dress: thrifted, shoes, tights: TJMaxx, bag H&M,
32 weeks pregnant belly

For some odd reason, everyone of us wants to be the exception. Not the rule.
 But exceptions are just that - very rare occasions outside of the norm.
So whenever I was listening to the pregnancy tales of "this is going to happen to you too", I never thought of myself as being the rule. Well, couple of things were exceptional (i.e. lack of morning sickness, no crazy food cravings) but the third trimester is different. 

I have awful backaches. 

My feet swell from being mobile all day long. 

I get up to pee-pee at least twice at night. 

I get heart palpitations just thinking about the amount of stuff I need to get done before our boy arrives.

Hormones are doing its thing - I'm driving my hubs crazy.

To name just a few.

I'm thankful that everything is going well and baby is healthy, as well as I am. Even with everyone around coughing and sneezing, I haven't gotten sick. 

So to sum up - it's going well. 

No exceptions anymore.

Decisions... Decisions...

sweater: TJMaxx, shirt: Ralph Lauren, skirt: J.Crew, shoes: Payless
(31 weeks pregnant and wishing I could wear Pjs all the time)

So this whole buying-stuff-for-the-baby thing is exhausting. I'm not sure what's harder picking out hard wood floors or a stroller. Definitely the stroller. Then you need a car seat, glider for nursery, bottles, diapers, wipes, blankets, swaddling cloths and whole lot more. 

My hubby and I are both perfectionists (he's to a lesser degree but still in denial) so we scan almost everything with the phone app and look online for the reviews (and better deals, of course). 

So we were buying swaddling sheets and between couple choices of cotton and muslin, we stood in the baby isle for about ten minutes checking the reviews. Yeah, talk about perfectionists. After thorough consideration and mini discussion, we decided on muslin.

Next on the menu, picking out a travel system. There are many requirements and different criteria that we want it to meet and, in a way, we are probably over doing it a little. But it's our first, and we are nutty parents,  maybe just a little. So for now, we are going to research the living days out of every single thing. 

I think we are becoming those parents. 

And that's just scary.

Merry Berry

sweater: Target, blazer: Banana Republic, skirt: thrifted, heels: BCBGirls, 

So the mamma over here is growing by the hour. We are almost at 31 weeks and he's super very active. I mean, it looks like I have a Rocky-in-da-making in there - you can see the belly bounce. Like a lot.

It's becoming very real with all the baby shower gifts and diapers all over our house. Hubby doesn't really appreciate all the ruffles on the bassinet, but there are no manly bassinets out there. So the kiddo (and the daddy) are going to have to make peace with the most adorable bassinet that my friends gifted me.

On totally different note, I'm loving the berry color right now. It feels like I'm wearing a little bit of Christmas, and that's just very merry berry. 

Have a great day! 

Pretty in Polka

top: Target. khakis: Gap, shoes: Aldo, necklace: J.Crew(via Ebay)

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas...

 Everywhere I go... 

Except we are getting some warm temperatures up here... And I love it! The longer I can wear my non-winter clothes, the better. On the other hand, I love seeing all the Christmas decor up. Unfortunately, this year I won't be decorating much because we are in the middle of a move and it's going to  take a while. 

Although, no snow and 60s? I'll take that over any decorations...

Have a great day and thank you for reading!

Feeling Blue

sweater: Gap, blazer: thrifted, jeans: Liz Lange Maternity, shoes: TJMaxx,  necklace: NY&Co

 Sometimes feeling blue is perfectly OK. Staying at home in your PJs and drinking hot cocoa. Or simply hanging out in bed and watching all your favorite movies. 

On the other hand, when feeling blue and staying home isn't an option, why not wear your feelings on your sleeve? Literally.

I love the color of this jacket and how it goes with practically everything. Add to that a 100% wool material and you got yourself a favorite.

So is feeling blue in blue helps?  

You decide.

What Color Is That?

sweater: J.Crew, blazer: Gap, skirt: thrifted, shoes: Aldo, necklace: uknown

Between my mom and my sister, and couple of other people in church, the color of my tights have been misinterpreted. It's a mustard color people, which I, for one, think goes perfectly well with teal, but apparently I had Jaundice legs. 

I must say that it takes huge amount of energy to find something that fits now-a-days. Therefore, scarves, jewelry and different color tights are the things that un-blah my clothes. Honestly, I feel more comfortable in a skirt then jeans (weird, I know). So my work uniform is skirt, heels (still) and sweater.

But the college is over in two weeks (yay) and I can just live in my soft pink PJs, which my hubby says make me look very homey (whatever that means). 

I guess that's better then Jaundice legs. 

Thankful For... Family and Friends

turtle neck: French Connection, jacket: H&M, jeans: Liz Lange Maternity, bag: TJMaxx, shoes: Aldo

Life isn't complete without people you love. I'm blessed to have a great family and awesome friends. 

I'm thankful for..

mom and dad who raised me right, taught me about God and showed loved every day

my sister - it's amazing growing up with a sister. We did everything together, from getting in trouble to playing
our silly games

my husband's parents and their love

all the extended family of my in-laws... there's a lot of them

getting two more sisters when I married my hubby - it's a girl central over here

church family 

friends that we can just enjoy life with - from Friday night joined dinners to double dates

being able to share the best and worst moments of life with friends 

building a family of our own with the man I love

girls game nights in

the thoughtfulness and love I am being showered with during this very special time of my first pregnancy

Thankful For... Us

shirt: Evan Picone, sweater: Loft, skirt: NY&Co, shoes: BCBGirls, bag: Kate Spade NY 

I just want to take time to count all the blessings and give thanks to God for everything that I have. From the material to spiritual blessing and everything in between, I am truly blessed.

Some things that I am thankful for...

the best husband in the world - he truly is my rock, my best friend and love of my life. 

this precious gift of life that's growing inside of me... becoming a mother is truly life-changing... 

being able to satisfy my pregnancy cravings without being bound by financial constraints (most people in other countries can't splurge on scallops or sushi every week)

having fun and just enjoying life from simple things like staying in bed on Saturday morning to getting pampered at a local spa with a massage

being able to have fun together, enjoying each other's company

stealing a kiss in the middle of a crazy busy day

planning our future together and talking about our boy

getting a place we can call our own, our home

enjoying similar interests - from movies to political discussions

being able to talk about everything and anything

having the security and love in our relationship grow stronger with every day

simply being able to live with each other day in and day out, seeing those ugly sides and still falling in love with each other every single day

place in hearts that we call family - just the two of us (soon to be three of us)

Colorful Fall

dress, scarf, hat, boots; TJMaxx, blazer: Land's End, bag: Kate Spade NY

I love sunny fall days. They are so fun to dress for. The main idea is - layers, layers and more layers. Right now we have a mix of cold, brisk days with sunny afternoons - it's perfect fall. I love that you can still wear dresses and boots without hiding them under a puffy coat.

Today I'm at 28 weeks and honestly starting to worry a little bit (it all depends on your definition of little). I told the doctor that I'm scared of the unknown and he told me it's a piece of cake - giving birth. Dude, how would you know? Stepping on the scale the display is right in your face, I mean, who wants to see that number? Just hide it and tell me everything is going great and I'm perfectly healthy. But fitting into my pre-pregnancy dress made my day that much more colorful and bright.